I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
