Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
