rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
