Porn is love you can see.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
