You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i drank out of a bidet.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Randomize
