Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
