Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
