i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
