I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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