I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You ruined the universe
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
