im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
