Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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