He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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