I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
