What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
