I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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