i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i love accidental penises.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
