yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
