Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
