i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
