Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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