Non-Jews are for practice
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
