I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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