I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
