im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
