DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
