It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
