You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
