When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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