I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
