Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
