I wannas sexs uuuuu
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We smell like vodka and hangover
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