What a fucking waste of an outfit
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
