She is in my trunk
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
