i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
