just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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