So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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