he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
