I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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