stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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