How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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