can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
