My liver just broke up with me...
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
