I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
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