i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
