walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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