I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
