The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
