I hate your face
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
