so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You've changed since you got that strap on
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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