nut hugger
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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