it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
