it's too hot outside to masturbate.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
